Thursday, February 21, 2019

Where do they go?




I had never given the afterlife much thought before.

Even when those i loved passed away. I didn't feel the need to know where they were. I accepted that they were gone and that was that.

But since Mum, I spend far too much time thinking about what happens when we pass away.

It would be so easy for me to accept the idea of Heaven. I do suspect it would be a wonderful place. A place where those we loved and lost are waiting for us, somewhere free from pain and sadness. A place we can enjoy all that we loved. A place we are safe and happy.

But is this idea simply to put our grieving mind at rest? Help us to find some sense of peace about losing those dear to us.

Do we need to follow religion to believe in Heaven? Is it right to believe in this if religion is not a significant part of our life?

Or could the afterlife be the world we live in but on spirit level? This leads me to wonder if the dead even know they are dead - I think I may have watched the sixth sense too much!
Plus the thought of being surrounded by dead people freaks me out a little.

I know some people truly believe their loved ones are with them all the time, that they show themselves to them in many forms. A butterfly, or a white feather, a Robin or the sudden appearance of a familiar scent.

But I feel that if my Mum was here she'd be more obvious. She'd give me a sign that would leave me with no doubt that she was here. Maybe she'd leave a note, let me hear her voice one more time. I don't want subtle, I want smack me in the face obvious!

And then I wonder if there is no life after death, if once our body is gone we are just one with the Earth and there is no coming back from that, no ability to communicate with those we leave behind.

In honestly, I want her to be at peace but this does not stop me wondering all the time.

I wonder if she will be there waiting for me, or if she will come and get me when it is my time or I wonder if she is watching over someone else. Dad has said before he has heard her call him when he has been asleep, but as clear as if she was right there next to him. And F has been unsettled at night because he feels someone is watching him in his room.

But still I've not felt or seen anything at all.

And now I understand that it doesn't matter where they go, its how we choose to remember them that really counts. So when I pulled the car over to take in the triple rainbow, I knew it was Mum.

She's in the beautiful sunrises that she loved, and she is watching the sky fade to pink in the evening. She is her favourite song on the radio, she is with me when I watch her favourite films. She is in the full moon that shines bright and low in the sky. She will always be the light in the darkness. 

And I know that this is all I need now, she can't be with me in body but she will be with me in spirit, always. 




12 comments:

  1. It is such a big question we just can't find the answer to. Take comfort in that she will always be with you in spirit like you said x

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    1. Thank you Rachel, now I’ve realised that I feel her more x

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  2. Its such a huge thing to think about. I love the film Coco and the concept that once a year those who have passed come back and visit their families.

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  3. It’s so true that how we choose to remember them is what matters most.

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    1. I’ll always make sure she lives on through us all

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  4. This is a lovely post - very thought-provoking. I'm sure your mum is everywhere you want her to be, and I expect she lives on through you too. (Anita Faulkner - Brazen Mummy Writes)

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    1. Thank you Anita, I just want her to be at peace but to be with us all when we need her the most x

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  5. This is so precious. The feeling you have while sensing the presense of your Mum.....your words capture it so beautifully.
    While reading your post all could think about was song I love by Lonestar called "I am already there" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1yTWauVjwo

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  6. I've found this a tough read, because it's a bit close to home. I'm not religious and I lost my Dad last year. I don't believe in heaven but I'm really struggling to think of Dad just not existing anymore. I've found myself envious of those with faith. I look for signs...my Dad loved nature and I think if him when I feel and see the seasons start to change.

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    1. Oh Emma, I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you mean though, I'd love to think there was something more after this life. But I will continue to look for my Mum in all i do x

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